Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady And after the wedding, he laid down the following Rules:
" I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I Expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you That I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, Fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my Old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about It. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, " No, that's fine with me. Just Understand that there will be sex here at seven O'clock every night ......... Whether you're here or Not ."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of Their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, " When you die, I'm getting you a Headstone that reads:
" Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
" Yeah?" she replies. " When you die, I'm getting you a Headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last "
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
****************************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at The breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and Says, " And you are no good in bed either," And storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides To make amends and rings her up. She comes to the Phone after many rings, and the irritated husband Says, "what took you so long to answer the phone ?"
She says, " I was in bed."
" In bed this early, doing what?"
" Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his Achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts Calling his wife, " Mother of Six" in spite of her Objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife Is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his Voice, " Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of Discretion, shouts right back, " Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
******************************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home And were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, The man realized that the next day, he would Need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early Morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first To break the silence (and LOSE), He wrote on a piece Of paper, " Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it Where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the Man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he Had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and See why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a Piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
posted by Ron at 2:44 PM 0 comments
Haircut
A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend.
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome?
Why would anyone want to go Rome?
It's crowded and dirty and worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome."
"So, how are you getting there"?
"We're flying on Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental"? exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late."
"So, where are you staying in Rome"?
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left side called Trieste..."
"Don't go any further. I know that place.
Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive.
But it's really a dump. The worst hotel in the whole city!
The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're way overpriced."
"So, whatcha doing when you get there"?
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him.
He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours.
You're sure going to need it."
A month later, the woman, all smiling, came in for her hair appointment.
The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was absolutely wonderful," explained the woman. "Not only did we arrive on time in one of Continental's brand new jets, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class.
The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel.
It was fabulous! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's just a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser. "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky.
As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Holy Father walked through the door and shook my hand!
I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Really"? asked the hairdresser. "What'd he say"?
He said, "Where did you get that horrible haircut"?
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady And after the wedding, he laid down the following Rules:
" I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I Expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you That I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, Fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my Old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about It. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, " No, that's fine with me. Just Understand that there will be sex here at seven O'clock every night ......... Whether you're here or Not ."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of Their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, " When you die, I'm getting you a Headstone that reads:
" Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
" Yeah?" she replies. " When you die, I'm getting you a Headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last "
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
****************************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at The breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and Says, " And you are no good in bed either," And storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides To make amends and rings her up. She comes to the Phone after many rings, and the irritated husband Says, "what took you so long to answer the phone ?"
She says, " I was in bed."
" In bed this early, doing what?"
" Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his Achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts Calling his wife, " Mother of Six" in spite of her Objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife Is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his Voice, " Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of Discretion, shouts right back, " Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
******************************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home And were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, The man realized that the next day, he would Need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early Morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first To break the silence (and LOSE), He wrote on a piece Of paper, " Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it Where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the Man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he Had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and See why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a Piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
posted by Ron at 2:44 PM 0 comments
Haircut
A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend.
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome?
Why would anyone want to go Rome?
It's crowded and dirty and worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome."
"So, how are you getting there"?
"We're flying on Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental"? exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late."
"So, where are you staying in Rome"?
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left side called Trieste..."
"Don't go any further. I know that place.
Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive.
But it's really a dump. The worst hotel in the whole city!
The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're way overpriced."
"So, whatcha doing when you get there"?
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him.
He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours.
You're sure going to need it."
A month later, the woman, all smiling, came in for her hair appointment.
The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was absolutely wonderful," explained the woman. "Not only did we arrive on time in one of Continental's brand new jets, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class.
The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel.
It was fabulous! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's just a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser. "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky.
As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Holy Father walked through the door and shook my hand!
I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Really"? asked the hairdresser. "What'd he say"?
He said, "Where did you get that horrible haircut"?
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