Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Drugs & Aids
By Lisa Turney
A Do It Now Foundation
Blood Relations * What can I do to reduce my risk
The best and simplest solution is not to use IV drugs. Avoid sex with IV drug users--or with other members of high-risk groups. And avoid casual or unprotected sex altogether.
If you're already an IV drug user, and can't see your way through to quitting, don't share your needle or works with anyone, ever.
If you do share needles, take precautions. Flush the needle and syringe with household bleach, then rinse them both carefully with water. Bleach kills the HIV virus, but only if you use it every time you shoot up.
Still, in the long run, getting yourself drug-free is the only sure way to avoid drug-related AIDS.
And when you stop and think about it, that's a pretty good reason to take a step that you've probably been thinking about for a long time.
Because using IV drugs always was a gamble.
HIV has just made staying alive a longer shot, still.
deadly mix
In the years since it was first identified, AIDS has spread more than its share of panic and pain.
And despite the best efforts of many of the best minds in the world, AIDS is still hurtling out of control--faster, almost, than our ability to comprehend it, much less control it or cure it. And AIDS is out of control worldwide, despite recent advances in treating its symptoms.
A main problem in coming to grips with AIDS, and the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) that causes it, has been the difficulty in pinpointing who, exactly, has been exposed, and how.
That's even more difficult since the virus is spread by two activities that most of us would rather keep to ourselves: sexual behavior and drug use.
And while sex is less often a source of embarrassment than it used to be, drug use--particularly intravenous (IV) drug use, which can transmit HIV infection--is still against the law. And most users just aren't that interested in standing up and being counted.
But they are being noticed--and counted increasingly--as carriers of AIDS. Just consider these recent numbers:
* By January 2006, more than 300,000 U.S. AIDS cases--about a third of all infections--involved IV drug users.
* Hundreds of thousands more current users may already be infected, and passing the infection along to others.
* Users of crack cocaine and crystal methamphetamine are being infected by the tens of thousands, helping fuel the spread of the disease into the general population.
That's why we've put together this pamphlet. Because even though it's against the law to use drugs, people who use them shouldn't have to pay with their lives.
What exactly is AIDS?
AIDS is a group of diseases and other problems that result from impairment of the immune system following HIV infection.
AIDS, which is the final stage of the infection, can show up in a lot of different ways. That's because HIV attacks immune-system cells which normally rid the body of bacterial and viral invaders.
When that happens, people with AIDS get sick, often from rare, hard-to-treat diseases. Common symptoms include cancer, blindness, paralysis, memory loss, and a wasting syndrome that can result in death.
And even though a number of treatments have been developed for people with AIDS over the past few years, it's important to note that they're only treatments, not a cure.
And there is still no vaccine to prevent its spread.
How do drug users get AIDS?
By exposure to the blood of an infected person. Since IV drug users often share needles and syringes ("works" or "a set") they can also end up sharing the AIDS virus, if one of them is infected.
If you're an IV drug user, you might think that all you have to do is avoid sharing your needle with someone who's sick.
That would be great advice, but it doesn't go far enough.
Because AIDS can have a long latency period--up to 10 years, for some people. That means they're infected, but they're not sick--at least not in an obvious way.
That's why the best way to reduce your risk, if you shoot drugs, is to not share needles. Period.
* Does everyone exposed to HIV get AIDS?
Not necessarily. Whether or not a person exposed to HIV eventually develops AIDS depends on how he or she is exposed.
That's because certain routes of transmission are more dangerous than others.
Since the virus must enter the bloodstream before it can cause infection, ordinary heterosexual activities don't automatically result in infection.
Other practices, such as anal intercourse, raise the risk of transmission for the simple reason that they increase the likelihood of contact with infected blood or semen through broken skin or abrasions.
And since sharing a dirty syringe involves direct exposure to blood, it's almost guaranteed to cause infection, if you're sharing it with an infected person.
* Do all IV drug users get infected?
Anyone who shares IV needles puts himself or herself at risk. And according to several studies, that includes nearly everyone who shoots up, at one time or another:
* More than 95 percent of IV drug users have shared needles at least once, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse.
* A study of female IV drug users found that 42 percent had shared needles with family or friends, and more than one in five reported sharing their works with complete strangers at least once.
And users who frequent "shooting galleries," where works and needles are shared, are even more vulnerable to AIDS.
Still, some groups are harder hit than others.
Due to higher rates of drug use and needle sharing, Blacks and Hispanics account for three-fourths of all cases linked to IV drugs.
And according to one study, IV cocaine users are more likely than heroin users to become infected since they inject more often.
Researchers estimate that 35 percent of IV cocaine users carry the AIDS virus, versus 19 percent of heroin users.
* Do other drugs increase risk?
Yes and no. Researchers are still trying to fit all the pieces in the HIV puzzle into place, but the best evidence thus far does not support a direct link between non-needle-related drug use and the disease.
One exception may be the nitrite inhalants, including amyl and cyclohexyl nitrite, which is sometimes sold in headshops and adult book stores as "head cleaner."
Sniffed for their brief surge of dizzying effects, the chemicals impair the ability of white blood cells to fight disease, and may change into cancer-causing compounds in the body. In fact, one study of an AIDS-related cancer (Kaposi's sarcoma) showed that a majority of sufferers used amyl or butyl nitrite.
Since IV drug use is such a high-risk activity, needle exchange and methadone maintenance programs are proving their value in the fight against AIDS. Methadone--which blocks craving for heroin--can even cut needle use by up to 90 percent among users who stay in treatment.
Still, other drugs--including alcohol, marijuana, and stimulants--figure indirectly into the drugs-and-AIDS equation. They can depress immune function, particularly with regular use. Heavy users also suffer from poor nutrition and bad health--factors which further reduce immune response.
And other drugs, including crack and crystal meth, simply make AIDS easier to get.
* How does crack or crystal make it easier to get AIDS?
By making it easier to do the other things that put you at risk--like having unprotected sex.
That's because both crystal and crack increase sexual arousal and impulsiveness while they reduce inhibition and judgment.
More than most other drugs, both can cause hyperarousal and hypersexuality. And hypersexuality in today's world puts you at hyper-risk of AIDS.
The problem is made worse by the addictiveness of both drugs and by crack's short-lived high.
The crack high is so fleeting, in fact, that users can burn up hundreds of dollars of crack in a multi-day "mission." Female users often resort to the only means at their disposal to get more, which can mean anonymous sex with multiple "suppliers" every day.
Sex-for-crack (and -meth) exchanges are so common that crystal and crack users represent a new high-risk population for AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases, according to public health experts.
In fact, a number of studies have suggested that the risk of acquiring HIV may be higher among crack users than intravenous heroin users.
* Believe This Hype: Don't Share AIDS
Early symptoms of AIDS include fatigue, fever, loss of appetite or weight, diarrhea, and night sweats, but HIV infection doesn't necessarily produce any warning signs. And since treatment works best when started early, it's wise to get tested early after any possible exposure. If you think you may have been exposed:
* Avoid unprotected sex.
* Don't share a hypodermic needle or syringe--with anyone.
* Contact your local or state health department, listed in the white pages.
* Avoid further exposure (through IV drug use or unprotected sex) to HIV.
A simple blood test can determine if you've been infected. If the results are positive:
* Don't have unprotected sex.
* Don't share needles, toothbrushes, razors, or other personal care products.
* If you're a woman, postpone any pregnancies.
* Get medical treatment. Talk over your situation with your doctor and follow all instructions.
For more information, call 1-800-342-AIDS. Spanish language information is available at 1-800-344-SIDA.
The best way to reduce your risk, if you shoot drugs, is to not share needles. Period.
trading sex for crack is so common that crack smokers have emerged as one of the few new high-risk populations for AIDS.
HIV: Rating the Risks
Blood transfusion recipients (1%)
IV drug users (25%)
Heterosexual contact (9%)
Gay/bisexual men (50%)
Gay/bisexual IV drug users (6%)
Hype hazards: Needle sharing by infected users keeps IV drug
use close to dead-center on a chart of high-risk activities.
Blood Relations * What can I do to reduce my risk
The best and simplest solution is not to use IV drugs. Avoid sex with IV drug users--or with other members of high-risk groups. And avoid casual or unprotected sex altogether.
If you're already an IV drug user, and can't see your way through to quitting, don't share your needle or works with anyone, ever.
If you do share needles, take precautions. Flush the needle and syringe with household bleach, then rinse them both carefully with water. Bleach kills the HIV virus, but only if you use it every time you shoot up.
Still, in the long run, getting yourself drug-free is the only sure way to avoid drug-related AIDS.
And when you stop and think about it, that's a pretty good reason to take a step that you've probably been thinking about for a long time.
Because using IV drugs always was a gamble.
HIV has just made staying alive a longer shot, still.
deadly mix
In the years since it was first identified, AIDS has spread more than its share of panic and pain.
And despite the best efforts of many of the best minds in the world, AIDS is still hurtling out of control--faster, almost, than our ability to comprehend it, much less control it or cure it. And AIDS is out of control worldwide, despite recent advances in treating its symptoms.
A main problem in coming to grips with AIDS, and the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) that causes it, has been the difficulty in pinpointing who, exactly, has been exposed, and how.
That's even more difficult since the virus is spread by two activities that most of us would rather keep to ourselves: sexual behavior and drug use.
And while sex is less often a source of embarrassment than it used to be, drug use--particularly intravenous (IV) drug use, which can transmit HIV infection--is still against the law. And most users just aren't that interested in standing up and being counted.
But they are being noticed--and counted increasingly--as carriers of AIDS. Just consider these recent numbers:
* By January 2006, more than 300,000 U.S. AIDS cases--about a third of all infections--involved IV drug users.
* Hundreds of thousands more current users may already be infected, and passing the infection along to others.
* Users of crack cocaine and crystal methamphetamine are being infected by the tens of thousands, helping fuel the spread of the disease into the general population.
That's why we've put together this pamphlet. Because even though it's against the law to use drugs, people who use them shouldn't have to pay with their lives.
What exactly is AIDS?
AIDS is a group of diseases and other problems that result from impairment of the immune system following HIV infection.
AIDS, which is the final stage of the infection, can show up in a lot of different ways. That's because HIV attacks immune-system cells which normally rid the body of bacterial and viral invaders.
When that happens, people with AIDS get sick, often from rare, hard-to-treat diseases. Common symptoms include cancer, blindness, paralysis, memory loss, and a wasting syndrome that can result in death.
And even though a number of treatments have been developed for people with AIDS over the past few years, it's important to note that they're only treatments, not a cure.
And there is still no vaccine to prevent its spread.
How do drug users get AIDS?
By exposure to the blood of an infected person. Since IV drug users often share needles and syringes ("works" or "a set") they can also end up sharing the AIDS virus, if one of them is infected.
If you're an IV drug user, you might think that all you have to do is avoid sharing your needle with someone who's sick.
That would be great advice, but it doesn't go far enough.
Because AIDS can have a long latency period--up to 10 years, for some people. That means they're infected, but they're not sick--at least not in an obvious way.
That's why the best way to reduce your risk, if you shoot drugs, is to not share needles. Period.
* Does everyone exposed to HIV get AIDS?
Not necessarily. Whether or not a person exposed to HIV eventually develops AIDS depends on how he or she is exposed.
That's because certain routes of transmission are more dangerous than others.
Since the virus must enter the bloodstream before it can cause infection, ordinary heterosexual activities don't automatically result in infection.
Other practices, such as anal intercourse, raise the risk of transmission for the simple reason that they increase the likelihood of contact with infected blood or semen through broken skin or abrasions.
And since sharing a dirty syringe involves direct exposure to blood, it's almost guaranteed to cause infection, if you're sharing it with an infected person.
* Do all IV drug users get infected?
Anyone who shares IV needles puts himself or herself at risk. And according to several studies, that includes nearly everyone who shoots up, at one time or another:
* More than 95 percent of IV drug users have shared needles at least once, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse.
* A study of female IV drug users found that 42 percent had shared needles with family or friends, and more than one in five reported sharing their works with complete strangers at least once.
And users who frequent "shooting galleries," where works and needles are shared, are even more vulnerable to AIDS.
Still, some groups are harder hit than others.
Due to higher rates of drug use and needle sharing, Blacks and Hispanics account for three-fourths of all cases linked to IV drugs.
And according to one study, IV cocaine users are more likely than heroin users to become infected since they inject more often.
Researchers estimate that 35 percent of IV cocaine users carry the AIDS virus, versus 19 percent of heroin users.
* Do other drugs increase risk?
Yes and no. Researchers are still trying to fit all the pieces in the HIV puzzle into place, but the best evidence thus far does not support a direct link between non-needle-related drug use and the disease.
One exception may be the nitrite inhalants, including amyl and cyclohexyl nitrite, which is sometimes sold in headshops and adult book stores as "head cleaner."
Sniffed for their brief surge of dizzying effects, the chemicals impair the ability of white blood cells to fight disease, and may change into cancer-causing compounds in the body. In fact, one study of an AIDS-related cancer (Kaposi's sarcoma) showed that a majority of sufferers used amyl or butyl nitrite.
Since IV drug use is such a high-risk activity, needle exchange and methadone maintenance programs are proving their value in the fight against AIDS. Methadone--which blocks craving for heroin--can even cut needle use by up to 90 percent among users who stay in treatment.
Still, other drugs--including alcohol, marijuana, and stimulants--figure indirectly into the drugs-and-AIDS equation. They can depress immune function, particularly with regular use. Heavy users also suffer from poor nutrition and bad health--factors which further reduce immune response.
And other drugs, including crack and crystal meth, simply make AIDS easier to get.
* How does crack or crystal make it easier to get AIDS?
By making it easier to do the other things that put you at risk--like having unprotected sex.
That's because both crystal and crack increase sexual arousal and impulsiveness while they reduce inhibition and judgment.
More than most other drugs, both can cause hyperarousal and hypersexuality. And hypersexuality in today's world puts you at hyper-risk of AIDS.
The problem is made worse by the addictiveness of both drugs and by crack's short-lived high.
The crack high is so fleeting, in fact, that users can burn up hundreds of dollars of crack in a multi-day "mission." Female users often resort to the only means at their disposal to get more, which can mean anonymous sex with multiple "suppliers" every day.
Sex-for-crack (and -meth) exchanges are so common that crystal and crack users represent a new high-risk population for AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases, according to public health experts.
In fact, a number of studies have suggested that the risk of acquiring HIV may be higher among crack users than intravenous heroin users.
* Believe This Hype: Don't Share AIDS
Early symptoms of AIDS include fatigue, fever, loss of appetite or weight, diarrhea, and night sweats, but HIV infection doesn't necessarily produce any warning signs. And since treatment works best when started early, it's wise to get tested early after any possible exposure. If you think you may have been exposed:
* Avoid unprotected sex.
* Don't share a hypodermic needle or syringe--with anyone.
* Contact your local or state health department, listed in the white pages.
* Avoid further exposure (through IV drug use or unprotected sex) to HIV.
A simple blood test can determine if you've been infected. If the results are positive:
* Don't have unprotected sex.
* Don't share needles, toothbrushes, razors, or other personal care products.
* If you're a woman, postpone any pregnancies.
* Get medical treatment. Talk over your situation with your doctor and follow all instructions.
For more information, call 1-800-342-AIDS. Spanish language information is available at 1-800-344-SIDA.
The best way to reduce your risk, if you shoot drugs, is to not share needles. Period.
trading sex for crack is so common that crack smokers have emerged as one of the few new high-risk populations for AIDS.
HIV: Rating the Risks
Blood transfusion recipients (1%)
IV drug users (25%)
Heterosexual contact (9%)
Gay/bisexual men (50%)
Gay/bisexual IV drug users (6%)
Hype hazards: Needle sharing by infected users keeps IV drug
use close to dead-center on a chart of high-risk activities.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
The Secret To Scruffy Sex Appeal
BY BROTHERS & SISTERS' DAVE ANNABLE
I don't want to let out the secret, but it's just hair I Scotch taped on to make myself look older. No. Actually, I haven't been clean-shaven in well over a year now. When I am, I look like I'm 11 years old. If I shaved and put black wire-rimmed glasses on, I'd look like Harry Potter. So, I'm sort of a fan of that rugged, scruffy look. I know I look like I don't care, but I really do. I use regular hair trimmers that I think I got at Wal-Mart. The only downside is doing a kissing scene. Marika Dominczyk, who played my girlfriend on Brothers & Sisters, looked like she was getting beaten in the face after a while. She got so red. That's the only downfall of having the scruff. In most of my encounters in real life, girls enjoy it. may shave for summer, but then people will be like, "Who the hell is that?" I'm pretty excited to shave eventually because I've sort of forgotten what my jaw looks like.
I don't want to let out the secret, but it's just hair I Scotch taped on to make myself look older. No. Actually, I haven't been clean-shaven in well over a year now. When I am, I look like I'm 11 years old. If I shaved and put black wire-rimmed glasses on, I'd look like Harry Potter. So, I'm sort of a fan of that rugged, scruffy look. I know I look like I don't care, but I really do. I use regular hair trimmers that I think I got at Wal-Mart. The only downside is doing a kissing scene. Marika Dominczyk, who played my girlfriend on Brothers & Sisters, looked like she was getting beaten in the face after a while. She got so red. That's the only downfall of having the scruff. In most of my encounters in real life, girls enjoy it. may shave for summer, but then people will be like, "Who the hell is that?" I'm pretty excited to shave eventually because I've sort of forgotten what my jaw looks like.
Time
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
This story contains details of testimony some readers may find disturbing.
What defence could be possible for Robert 'Willy' Pickton?
Robert William Pickton speaks softly, slumped in a black leather chair, legs stretched before him, seemingly without a care. He's dressed in black sweats. He looks gaunt. It's Feb. 23, 2002, at the RCMP detachment in Surrey, B.C. The day before, members of the missing women's task force arrested him for the first two of what will later swell to 26 counts of first-degree murder. A police interviewer asks what it means to him that he's a suspect in the murders of up to 50 women, sex-trade workers from Vancouver's Downtown Eastside. He gives a dismissive chuckle. "What does it mean to me, hogwash," he replies. "I can't tell you much. I don't know much about this. I've got nothing to say."
The "interview," a polite term for an 11-hour interrogation, grinds on. Pickton alternates between awkward silence and disjointed, rambling responses. "I'm just a working guy is all I am, now I've got all these charges. It's a little far-fetched," he says. Another laugh. "I'm just a pig man, that's all I've got to say." At this point, the decrepit Port Coquitlam farm Pickton shared with his younger brother David had been sealed for two weeks, after police investigating a firearms infraction discovered the personal effects of several of the women. A media frenzy is building. "You're like the pope for Chrissakes," the officer tells him. "I'm a bad dude," he says, several times.
Almost five years have passed since that day. A video of the first segment of that interview was played in a New Westminster courtroom Tuesday, as Mike Petrie, heading a seven-member team of Crown prosecutors, began building his case against Pickton in a trial limited to six of the women he is charged with killing. The video offered jurors and the public the first insight into the mind of the 57-year-old accused, who has sat like a cipher though years of court proceedings, breaking his silence only to plead not guilty. It seems a strange place, his mind, as bizarre and untidy as his farm and as full, the prosecution claims, of dirty secrets.
The trial opened Monday with the Crown's chilling assertion that Pickton is solely responsible for the murders of Sereena Abotsway, Mona Wilson, Andrea Joesbury, Marnie Frey, Georgina Papin and Brenda Wolfe. "He murdered them, butchered their remains and disposed of them," said prosecutor Derrill Prevett. Speaking in gentle, grandfatherly tones, Prevett said some of the victims were shot in the back of the head and then decapitated. He described how the heads were bisected with a reciprocating saw and some -- together with hands and feet severed with clinical precision -- were found in buckets in a freezer, and in a garbage pail on the farm. Pickton, he said, had butchered pigs since he was 13 years old. A woman will testify, he said, that she found him in the slaughterhouse one night dismembering a woman.
Prevett described Pickton's evasive first interview with police, and how he seemed to both deny and admit to the murders. He tells police: "I should be on death row." At another point, confronted with the poster of some 60 missing women, he says: "You make me more of a mass murderer than I am." Then, to an undercover police officer planted in his cell -- another video the jury will see -- he says he was arrested because he got sloppy. "I was going to do one more, make it an even 50."
Several family members of the victims sobbed quietly as the Crown laid out its allegations, grabbing for the boxes of Kleenex that staff had placed throughout the courtroom. At least one person bolted from the building in horror. The shell-shocked jury had no such option. They must endure a year or more before deciding if the man they're watching on video -- the man who sits expressionless in the courtroom -- is a serial killer. Or if he is, as his lawyers suggest, an innocent dupe.
The length of the trial is a serious risk. The case could collapse in a mistrial if more than two of the jurors are unable to continue due to illness, stress or other personal reasons. Both the Crown and defence say the extraordinary length is necessary, despite -- and perhaps because of -- the damning collection of body parts found at the farm, and the complexity of the investigation. At least 240 witnesses are expected to be called, some dealing with the intricacies of DNA evidence. This will not be like a TV show, the Crown warned. "The witnesses are not actors following a script that is predetermined to wrap up in an hour." The investigation itself cost $70 million to the end of 2003. A further $46 million has been budgeted. The province has slapped a mortgage on the Pickton farm to cover part of his multi-million-dollar defence. Total costs won't be revealed until the trial ends, says Crown spokesman Stan Lowe. "At this juncture," he said, "to air costs would serve as a distraction."
Lead defence lawyer Peter Ritchie said flatly that Pickton did not "kill or participate in the killing of the six women that he's accused of murdering." Some of his defence strategy came clear in a brief address to the jury. Pickton's taped statements tying him to as many as 49 murders were made at the end of a very long interview or in leading conversations with an undercover police officer planted in his cell, he says. Instead, Ritchie pointed blame at others who resided at or had access to the farm. "Pay particular attention to Mr. Pickton's association to this farm, the importance of the farm to Mr. Pickton," he told the jury. "Listen very carefully to what Mr. Pickton tells you about the importance of his relationship with his brother." The farm, he said, with almost disturbing understatement, "was a busy hive of activity."
David, his brother, owns a salvage company. He spent years plowing thousands of tons of fill onto the low-lying farm property, readying it for development. He is not charged in the murders and Robert Pickton, the Crown noted, told interrogators his brother isn't involved. Ritchie also contrasts the crack police interrogation team against the "level of sophistication" displayed by Pickton. The man the Crown considers a canny murderer Ritchie seems determined to portray as a hapless innocent. "Pay particularly close attention to the evidence relating to his intellectual competence and close attention to his level of understanding," he urged.
When the video interview was conducted, police interrogators knew only a fraction of the macabre evidence that would literally be unearthed. They knew of a bloodied tote bag containing the DNA and personal effects of Abotsway. And in a laundry room of Robert Pickton's single-wide trailer they found a .22-calibre Smith & Wesson handgun. A sex toy affixed to the barrel held both Pickton's DNA and that of Wilson. It is a measure of the chaotic nature of the junk-strewn property and the pace of the search that it took almost two months before police opened a freezer to find the first severed heads and body parts. In May, three months into the search, half of Wolfe's lower jaw was found in an animal trough. It was June before investigators separated two stacked plastic garbage pails to find the decomposing skull, hands and feet of Wilson. In July, 14 hand and wrist bones, one belonging to Papin, were found in the dirt and manure of a pigpen. In all, it took forensic investigators 18 months to scour the farm, raze the buildings and excavate and sift the dirt to a depth of as much as two metres.
Investigators asked Pickton why he thinks it took so long to stop the run of murders. "Bad policing," he replied. It's the only area of agreement he has with the families of the victims and the women of the Vancouver stroll.
From the beginning, the case has been a train wreck of frustration, futile acts and wishes unfulfilled. "Evenhanded," the project name given the task force formed in 2001 to kick-start a stalled investigation, seemed a belated attempt to address the impression that the plight of these women had been largely ignored. Their disappearances, which took a substantial jump starting in the mid-1990s, were written off by Vancouver police as the inexplicable comings and goings of druggies and hookers. It was the muttering of street-level agencies, beat cops and finally the media that forced some attention. Even by 1998, Kim Rossmo, a Vancouver police inspector with an expertise in geographic profiling, was the only senior officer to raise the possibility that one or more serial killers were at work. His superiors castigated him not so much for his theory but his outspoken defence of it, as though the problem might vanish if it remained unspoken. Rossmo left the department in 2000, after being demoted to constable.
Futile attempts have also been made to wish away Pickton's notoriety, his occupation and even his name. A year after his arrest, the B.C. Pork Producers attempted to quash the "Pickton Pig Farm" label that accompanies every description of the crime, saying it was "very negative to our industry." A warning issued a year later by the B.C. provincial health officer that pork products from the farm might have been contaminated with human remains only added to the agency's woes. Now, as the trial begins, advocates for Vancouver sex-trade workers want the media to drop Pickton's name from their reports and refer to it as the "missing women's" case. They fear Pickton's celebrity will inspire copycat murders. Like so much well-meaning advice in this case, it is doomed to be ignored.
By Ken MacQueen and Nancy Macdonald
Robert William Pickton speaks softly, slumped in a black leather chair, legs stretched before him, seemingly without a care. He's dressed in black sweats. He looks gaunt. It's Feb. 23, 2002, at the RCMP detachment in Surrey, B.C. The day before, members of the missing women's task force arrested him for the first two of what will later swell to 26 counts of first-degree murder. A police interviewer asks what it means to him that he's a suspect in the murders of up to 50 women, sex-trade workers from Vancouver's Downtown Eastside. He gives a dismissive chuckle. "What does it mean to me, hogwash," he replies. "I can't tell you much. I don't know much about this. I've got nothing to say."
The "interview," a polite term for an 11-hour interrogation, grinds on. Pickton alternates between awkward silence and disjointed, rambling responses. "I'm just a working guy is all I am, now I've got all these charges. It's a little far-fetched," he says. Another laugh. "I'm just a pig man, that's all I've got to say." At this point, the decrepit Port Coquitlam farm Pickton shared with his younger brother David had been sealed for two weeks, after police investigating a firearms infraction discovered the personal effects of several of the women. A media frenzy is building. "You're like the pope for Chrissakes," the officer tells him. "I'm a bad dude," he says, several times.
Almost five years have passed since that day. A video of the first segment of that interview was played in a New Westminster courtroom Tuesday, as Mike Petrie, heading a seven-member team of Crown prosecutors, began building his case against Pickton in a trial limited to six of the women he is charged with killing. The video offered jurors and the public the first insight into the mind of the 57-year-old accused, who has sat like a cipher though years of court proceedings, breaking his silence only to plead not guilty. It seems a strange place, his mind, as bizarre and untidy as his farm and as full, the prosecution claims, of dirty secrets.
The trial opened Monday with the Crown's chilling assertion that Pickton is solely responsible for the murders of Sereena Abotsway, Mona Wilson, Andrea Joesbury, Marnie Frey, Georgina Papin and Brenda Wolfe. "He murdered them, butchered their remains and disposed of them," said prosecutor Derrill Prevett. Speaking in gentle, grandfatherly tones, Prevett said some of the victims were shot in the back of the head and then decapitated. He described how the heads were bisected with a reciprocating saw and some -- together with hands and feet severed with clinical precision -- were found in buckets in a freezer, and in a garbage pail on the farm. Pickton, he said, had butchered pigs since he was 13 years old. A woman will testify, he said, that she found him in the slaughterhouse one night dismembering a woman.
Prevett described Pickton's evasive first interview with police, and how he seemed to both deny and admit to the murders. He tells police: "I should be on death row." At another point, confronted with the poster of some 60 missing women, he says: "You make me more of a mass murderer than I am." Then, to an undercover police officer planted in his cell -- another video the jury will see -- he says he was arrested because he got sloppy. "I was going to do one more, make it an even 50."
Several family members of the victims sobbed quietly as the Crown laid out its allegations, grabbing for the boxes of Kleenex that staff had placed throughout the courtroom. At least one person bolted from the building in horror. The shell-shocked jury had no such option. They must endure a year or more before deciding if the man they're watching on video -- the man who sits expressionless in the courtroom -- is a serial killer. Or if he is, as his lawyers suggest, an innocent dupe.
The length of the trial is a serious risk. The case could collapse in a mistrial if more than two of the jurors are unable to continue due to illness, stress or other personal reasons. Both the Crown and defence say the extraordinary length is necessary, despite -- and perhaps because of -- the damning collection of body parts found at the farm, and the complexity of the investigation. At least 240 witnesses are expected to be called, some dealing with the intricacies of DNA evidence. This will not be like a TV show, the Crown warned. "The witnesses are not actors following a script that is predetermined to wrap up in an hour." The investigation itself cost $70 million to the end of 2003. A further $46 million has been budgeted. The province has slapped a mortgage on the Pickton farm to cover part of his multi-million-dollar defence. Total costs won't be revealed until the trial ends, says Crown spokesman Stan Lowe. "At this juncture," he said, "to air costs would serve as a distraction."
Lead defence lawyer Peter Ritchie said flatly that Pickton did not "kill or participate in the killing of the six women that he's accused of murdering." Some of his defence strategy came clear in a brief address to the jury. Pickton's taped statements tying him to as many as 49 murders were made at the end of a very long interview or in leading conversations with an undercover police officer planted in his cell, he says. Instead, Ritchie pointed blame at others who resided at or had access to the farm. "Pay particular attention to Mr. Pickton's association to this farm, the importance of the farm to Mr. Pickton," he told the jury. "Listen very carefully to what Mr. Pickton tells you about the importance of his relationship with his brother." The farm, he said, with almost disturbing understatement, "was a busy hive of activity."
David, his brother, owns a salvage company. He spent years plowing thousands of tons of fill onto the low-lying farm property, readying it for development. He is not charged in the murders and Robert Pickton, the Crown noted, told interrogators his brother isn't involved. Ritchie also contrasts the crack police interrogation team against the "level of sophistication" displayed by Pickton. The man the Crown considers a canny murderer Ritchie seems determined to portray as a hapless innocent. "Pay particularly close attention to the evidence relating to his intellectual competence and close attention to his level of understanding," he urged.
When the video interview was conducted, police interrogators knew only a fraction of the macabre evidence that would literally be unearthed. They knew of a bloodied tote bag containing the DNA and personal effects of Abotsway. And in a laundry room of Robert Pickton's single-wide trailer they found a .22-calibre Smith & Wesson handgun. A sex toy affixed to the barrel held both Pickton's DNA and that of Wilson. It is a measure of the chaotic nature of the junk-strewn property and the pace of the search that it took almost two months before police opened a freezer to find the first severed heads and body parts. In May, three months into the search, half of Wolfe's lower jaw was found in an animal trough. It was June before investigators separated two stacked plastic garbage pails to find the decomposing skull, hands and feet of Wilson. In July, 14 hand and wrist bones, one belonging to Papin, were found in the dirt and manure of a pigpen. In all, it took forensic investigators 18 months to scour the farm, raze the buildings and excavate and sift the dirt to a depth of as much as two metres.
Investigators asked Pickton why he thinks it took so long to stop the run of murders. "Bad policing," he replied. It's the only area of agreement he has with the families of the victims and the women of the Vancouver stroll.
From the beginning, the case has been a train wreck of frustration, futile acts and wishes unfulfilled. "Evenhanded," the project name given the task force formed in 2001 to kick-start a stalled investigation, seemed a belated attempt to address the impression that the plight of these women had been largely ignored. Their disappearances, which took a substantial jump starting in the mid-1990s, were written off by Vancouver police as the inexplicable comings and goings of druggies and hookers. It was the muttering of street-level agencies, beat cops and finally the media that forced some attention. Even by 1998, Kim Rossmo, a Vancouver police inspector with an expertise in geographic profiling, was the only senior officer to raise the possibility that one or more serial killers were at work. His superiors castigated him not so much for his theory but his outspoken defence of it, as though the problem might vanish if it remained unspoken. Rossmo left the department in 2000, after being demoted to constable.
Futile attempts have also been made to wish away Pickton's notoriety, his occupation and even his name. A year after his arrest, the B.C. Pork Producers attempted to quash the "Pickton Pig Farm" label that accompanies every description of the crime, saying it was "very negative to our industry." A warning issued a year later by the B.C. provincial health officer that pork products from the farm might have been contaminated with human remains only added to the agency's woes. Now, as the trial begins, advocates for Vancouver sex-trade workers want the media to drop Pickton's name from their reports and refer to it as the "missing women's" case. They fear Pickton's celebrity will inspire copycat murders. Like so much well-meaning advice in this case, it is doomed to be ignored.
By Ken MacQueen and Nancy Macdonald
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
The Latest Thing In ... Naughty Knitting
Websites such as Yarn Harlot, Knitphomaniacs and Lick My Sticks are putting the knasty into knitting with adults-only patterns for Bettie Page-style outfits along with whips and ropes, all made with yarn. One of the new goddesses of naughty knitting, author Nikol Lohr, offers up patterns such as "Kinderwhore," sexy schoolgirl socks for adults and tea cozy-like covers for sex toys. Lohr is planning a burlesque show featuring all-knit outfits.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Marriages
Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady And after the wedding, he laid down the following Rules:
" I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I Expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you That I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, Fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my Old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about It. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, " No, that's fine with me. Just Understand that there will be sex here at seven O'clock every night ......... Whether you're here or Not ."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of Their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, " When you die, I'm getting you a Headstone that reads:
" Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
" Yeah?" she replies. " When you die, I'm getting you a Headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last "
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
****************************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at The breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and Says, " And you are no good in bed either," And storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides To make amends and rings her up. She comes to the Phone after many rings, and the irritated husband Says, "what took you so long to answer the phone ?"
She says, " I was in bed."
" In bed this early, doing what?"
" Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his Achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts Calling his wife, " Mother of Six" in spite of her Objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife Is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his Voice, " Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of Discretion, shouts right back, " Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
******************************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home And were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, The man realized that the next day, he would Need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early Morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first To break the silence (and LOSE), He wrote on a piece Of paper, " Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it Where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the Man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he Had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and See why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a Piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
posted by Ron at 2:44 PM 0 comments
Haircut
A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend.
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome?
Why would anyone want to go Rome?
It's crowded and dirty and worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome."
"So, how are you getting there"?
"We're flying on Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental"? exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late."
"So, where are you staying in Rome"?
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left side called Trieste..."
"Don't go any further. I know that place.
Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive.
But it's really a dump. The worst hotel in the whole city!
The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're way overpriced."
"So, whatcha doing when you get there"?
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him.
He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours.
You're sure going to need it."
A month later, the woman, all smiling, came in for her hair appointment.
The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was absolutely wonderful," explained the woman. "Not only did we arrive on time in one of Continental's brand new jets, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class.
The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel.
It was fabulous! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's just a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser. "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky.
As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Holy Father walked through the door and shook my hand!
I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Really"? asked the hairdresser. "What'd he say"?
He said, "Where did you get that horrible haircut"?
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady And after the wedding, he laid down the following Rules:
" I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I Expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you That I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, Fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my Old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about It. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, " No, that's fine with me. Just Understand that there will be sex here at seven O'clock every night ......... Whether you're here or Not ."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of Their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, " When you die, I'm getting you a Headstone that reads:
" Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
" Yeah?" she replies. " When you die, I'm getting you a Headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last "
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
****************************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at The breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and Says, " And you are no good in bed either," And storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides To make amends and rings her up. She comes to the Phone after many rings, and the irritated husband Says, "what took you so long to answer the phone ?"
She says, " I was in bed."
" In bed this early, doing what?"
" Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his Achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts Calling his wife, " Mother of Six" in spite of her Objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife Is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his Voice, " Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of Discretion, shouts right back, " Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
******************************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home And were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, The man realized that the next day, he would Need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early Morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first To break the silence (and LOSE), He wrote on a piece Of paper, " Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it Where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the Man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he Had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and See why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a Piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
posted by Ron at 2:44 PM 0 comments
Haircut
A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend.
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome?
Why would anyone want to go Rome?
It's crowded and dirty and worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome."
"So, how are you getting there"?
"We're flying on Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental"? exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late."
"So, where are you staying in Rome"?
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left side called Trieste..."
"Don't go any further. I know that place.
Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive.
But it's really a dump. The worst hotel in the whole city!
The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're way overpriced."
"So, whatcha doing when you get there"?
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him.
He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours.
You're sure going to need it."
A month later, the woman, all smiling, came in for her hair appointment.
The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was absolutely wonderful," explained the woman. "Not only did we arrive on time in one of Continental's brand new jets, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class.
The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel.
It was fabulous! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's just a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser. "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky.
As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Holy Father walked through the door and shook my hand!
I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Really"? asked the hairdresser. "What'd he say"?
He said, "Where did you get that horrible haircut"?
Read more stories on http://www.stories.vaty.net/
Getting Even
After a young man had grown up and become a man, he and his father were seated in front of the TV, during a football game. During halftime exercises, his dad remarked, "Son, every time I gave you a whipping when you were bad, you would go into the bathroom and spend about 30 minutes, scrubbing the toilet. You got it spotlessly clean, and I could never figure out why you did that".
Without taking his eyes off the TV, the young man replied, "I was just getting even with you, for whipping me".
The father, startled, replied, "How? By cleaning the toilet?"
"No", the son answered, "by scrubbing it with YOUR TOOTHBRUSH".
Without taking his eyes off the TV, the young man replied, "I was just getting even with you, for whipping me".
The father, startled, replied, "How? By cleaning the toilet?"
"No", the son answered, "by scrubbing it with YOUR TOOTHBRUSH".
Most Embarrassing Moments Website
So there I was in this club desperately trying to pull and she walks in. A goddess! What the hell she saw in me I don't know!! Any way one thing led to the next and she was asking me back to her place. Problem was I really needed to take a dump but asking her to wait while I went to the bogs didn't seem the right thing to do at the time. So.... I sucked it up and we jumped in a taxi back to hers.
20 mins later, we're getting off with each other in her flat and I just can't hold it any more so I ask her if I can borrow her toilet for a second. She says fine but tells me that she wants to take a shower first so why don't I wait for her in the bedroom! You see my predicament! There I am with this sex kitten but I need a shite! Well, I couldn't stop her from taking a shower so trying not to shake too much I head into her room.
I turn down the lights to make it nice and moody and sit there on the bed imagining the joys that were sure to follow. By this time however, I really need to go so. I'm dying and am trying to think of what I can do!!! Then it hits me!! The greatest idea since HP sauce!! I take off a sock, pull down my jeans and kegs and proceed to do the business in the sock. Unbelievably, I don't spill a drop and by tying it up, I can use the top to wipe my arse too. After finishing up, the only problem I have to deal with is disposing with the dirty sock. I look around the room but am unable to find suitable places for the offending garment to be hidden. Then I spy the window.
Looking out I see that after a small back yard, there is a wall and beyond that a park. So I'm thinking to myself that if I make it over the wall I'm safe. No problem. I start swinging the sock around my head. Once! Twice! and then i let FLY! The sock sails over the wall and well into the park. I feel as if I've scored the winning goal in the World Cup!!
Feeling relieved and horny, I sit on the bed, take the rest of my gear off and wait for the angel to exit the shower. I hear her finish and she enters the room! She looks hot in the towel and as she lowers it to the ground and turns on the light, her face turns from one of lust to one of horror!!! and I see WHY!
Splattered on all 4 walls is shit which must have leaked out through the sock while I was spinning it round my head!
20 mins later, we're getting off with each other in her flat and I just can't hold it any more so I ask her if I can borrow her toilet for a second. She says fine but tells me that she wants to take a shower first so why don't I wait for her in the bedroom! You see my predicament! There I am with this sex kitten but I need a shite! Well, I couldn't stop her from taking a shower so trying not to shake too much I head into her room.
I turn down the lights to make it nice and moody and sit there on the bed imagining the joys that were sure to follow. By this time however, I really need to go so. I'm dying and am trying to think of what I can do!!! Then it hits me!! The greatest idea since HP sauce!! I take off a sock, pull down my jeans and kegs and proceed to do the business in the sock. Unbelievably, I don't spill a drop and by tying it up, I can use the top to wipe my arse too. After finishing up, the only problem I have to deal with is disposing with the dirty sock. I look around the room but am unable to find suitable places for the offending garment to be hidden. Then I spy the window.
Looking out I see that after a small back yard, there is a wall and beyond that a park. So I'm thinking to myself that if I make it over the wall I'm safe. No problem. I start swinging the sock around my head. Once! Twice! and then i let FLY! The sock sails over the wall and well into the park. I feel as if I've scored the winning goal in the World Cup!!
Feeling relieved and horny, I sit on the bed, take the rest of my gear off and wait for the angel to exit the shower. I hear her finish and she enters the room! She looks hot in the towel and as she lowers it to the ground and turns on the light, her face turns from one of lust to one of horror!!! and I see WHY!
Splattered on all 4 walls is shit which must have leaked out through the sock while I was spinning it round my head!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
It's never too late for men to learn new things.....
Continuing Education
WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, January 30, 2006
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They! Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and
Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all
the ladies for
the best chuckle of their day!
WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, January 30, 2006
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They! Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and
Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all
the ladies for
the best chuckle of their day!
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